things we love about you (so far)

• When you figure out exactly how your toys work and you start actually using them regularly instead of accidentally.
• That you get such a kick out of seeing yourself in the mirror.
• How excited you get when we walk into the room and shoot a smile in your direction.
• When I wake up to the sounds of you sucking on your fingers and blowing raspberries.
• How sometimes you get one little big toe out of your footie pajamas and it is so tiny and chubby.
• That you love sitting in your exersaucer at the front door and looking out the window at the cars that pass and the mailman.
• How you love to hold onto your toes when you're on your back.
• How you have become such an expert at rolling over that I really shouldn't even bother putting you on your back anymore.
• That you chuckle and grin every time I tickle your face with my hair.
• That you've taken a liking to sitting and standing and now sometimes they are the only things you want to do (with our help).
• How much you love sitting in your little red baby chair and playing with the tray toy.
• That you can fall asleep pretty much anywhere and in any position but as soon as you are moved you wail as if being put in a more comfortable place was the worst thing we ever could have done to you.
• That you still like the Christmas tree lights being on as much as your mommy does, no matter what your daddy thinks.
• When you are on the verge of crying but end up laughing instead.
• When you make grumpy face.
• How you can make us happy, any place, any time.

a bundle of joy, indeed

Clara sucks on three fingers, no thumb.  She flips over onto her stomach on the changing table.  She grabs onto her toes while I try to change her diaper.  She stares at her hands for ages.  She pulls and bats at toys.  She laughs with us all the time.  She is the light of our lives.

ROCK AND ROLL

You've been teetering on the edge of a roll-over for months, it feels like.  You'd get as far as your side and kind of get stuck there, not really knowing what to do with your arm that was in the way.

But last night: YOU ROLLED.  From your back to your belly.  Twice.  You did it again today.

These are exciting times!

screaming, sitting

These days Clara is really into screaming and sitting.  She's a happy screamer.  She wakes me up just screaming happily.  Just awake and excited to make some noise.  It's pretty great except that sometimes her daddy can't tell the difference between happy screams and angry screams.  "What's wrong with her?"  She was just happy and noisy!

Sitting is her other passion.  She likes to be upright, looking at stuff.  I can understand this as I also enjoy to sit.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS.

 This is a picture of two happy ladies.

YAY!

You pulled on the owl's foot!  I heard the pull and then the jitter!  I'm so proud of you!

Next up: rolling over.

Come on, you know you want to.

round one of the holidays

You've had your first Thanksgiving (delicious) and the Christmas tree is up and you love to look at those lights.  Today you reached up for the legs on your hanging jitterbug toy and grabbed it and would not let go.  I was hoping you would pull and realize that makes the toy vibrate, but I think that was a little too much to hope for on your first grab.  I was delighted that you just held onto his foot for so long.  You've been holding on to your lion with the rings and the rattle too, lifting him up sometimes.

You're so close to rolling over!  It's excruciating to see you on your side: so close yet so far.  You just hang out on your side for minutes at a time but you really don't seem to want to roll onto your stomach at all.  You're pretty good at rotating yourself 360 degrees on your play mat though.  I'm pretty impressed by your leg muscles!

Today your daddy was reading to you about table saws from a home improvement magazine and you loved it.  It's probably because you love anything he says or does for you.  I do too!  :D

Oh and just so you know: there are probably a million sandwich kisses in your future.  You're not allowed to ever stop liking them.

This was your first Thanksgiving dinner:

And here's you holding onto your toy for a long time:

3 months

You turned 3 months old yesterday.  It really snuck up on me--so much so that I didn't realize the date until about 8pm.  I can't believe how fast you've grown.

I was hugging you yesterday and your dad remarked that you're almost half as tall as me.  (An exaggeration of course...but not by much.)

I can't believe how cool you are.  Yesterday you were in your swing for a while and when I walked up to you again after a few minutes, your face lit up completely.  You were so happy to see me and I was so happy that you were happy I shed a few tears.

Don't ever stop being awesome.

Clara Beara!

Clara enjoys staring at herself in the mirror and shrieking.

you're growing too fast

I was reading an article in a baby magazine today about fetal movements.  They were talking about flips and kicks and all of this and I remembered when you were in my belly and moved around all the time and I started to cry.  I miss you being so close.  Of course, the smiles and the laughs are wonderful--but feeling your every movement inside of me was wonderful too.  Every day you get bigger and bigger and it just reminds me that someday you'll be so big you'll have to go out on your own and I almost don't want that to ever happen.

You're the sweetest, Clara-beara.  I love you a million.

my baby is 2 months old

Almost doing her Tim Gunn impersonation.

leaving you is hard!

Your dad and I went out for the first time last night since you were born.  It was county fair time, you see.  We thought about you coming too but ultimately decided that loud rock music and a huge crowd of people would not be good for a 6 week old baby.  So we asked Grandma to watch you.

It was so hard to leave you.  I kept thinking of you the entire night and whether you were okay.  I saw babies and kids at the fairgrounds and just kept thinking that we should have brought you and maybe you would have enjoyed a blinking light toy.

Next year, okay?  Maybe then you'll be ready for loud music.  :)

Almost 6 weeks old!

It's been a while since I've updated, but life with a baby is a bit hectic--please forgive me.

This is what has been up!
- Clara gained almost three pounds in 5 weeks.  On Monday she weighed 8 pounds 11 ounces.  Un-freakin'-believable.
- When she was born, her pinky fingernail was the size of a sesame seed.  It's a lot bigger now!
- I have become much more closely acquainted with bodily fluids of all sorts.  This is not exactly pleasant, but I am glad the projectile vomiting only happened thrice so far.
- Our experiences with pee, however, seem to be much more frequent.
- When she smiles and holds her head up, I am the happiest mom.
- We finally seem to be getting into our groove around here.  Diaper change, eat, play, sleep.  Repeat.  Repeat.
- When Clara sleeps I cook and try to try to clean.
- Daddy helps with feedings all the time.  He's especially good at giving her tummy time on his chest.  It's the cutest thing in the world to see!
- Swaddling has saved us.  She sleeps so well in a swaddle!  We didn't have a proper swaddle blanket but my husband invented an awesome double swaddle with two smaller blankets that is working wonderfully!

On the post-partum side:
- My pre-pregnancy jeans are too big now.  You think I'd be happy about this but mostly I'm annoyed that I need to buy new pants.
- No more pains or bleeding!  I feel right as rain.
- I've got some hormones making me a little extra emotional right now, but I'm sure that will pass soon.

Things are good.  There are challenges, but we're getting through them okay.  Everything seems to be getting better.

You have your daddy's feet.

belly pictures slideshow time!

How Clara grew in my belly.

dance

Today you had your first dance!  It was with your daddy to "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out".

Just thought you should know.

:)

this melts my heart

apologies

Dear Clara,

I'm sorry I drooled on your head.

But, as your dad said, "These things happen."

Love,
--Mom

how you were born

On Monday I woke up feeling pretty good.  The week long-plus headache that had been plaguing me seemed to be getting better.  It was so nice to finally not be in pain anymore!  I did some last-minute shopping and cleaning and cooking.  The Braxton-Hicks contractions started getting stronger though...to the point where they were almost constant.  My belly felt rock hard.

At some point in the early evening the real contractions started.  They were pretty mild and not regular, so I didn't dare get my hopes up that you were actually getting ready to come into the world.  I just thought of them as nice practice.  But then!  At around 11pm, right when your dad and I were getting ready for bed, the contractions started being regular.  I stayed in bed for a while, timing.  6 minutes here, 5 minutes sometimes.  It seemed like the real deal to me and the doctor had told me to head to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart, but I wanted to be absolutely sure.  There was no way I was going to get all worked up just to be sent home from the hospital!  So I timed contractions, took a bath, timed some more, tried to lie down.  When they were 3 minutes apart I finally woke up your father and told him it was time.

We got to the hospital around 3am.  Checked in, but it was a full house that night: no empty rooms.  What did this mean?  Your dad and I sat in the waiting room at Labor & Delivery for about 2 hours, with me groaning and breathing hard in front of a bunch of strangers every 3 minutes.

At around 5am we finally got a room.  A nurse checked my dilation.  3cm.  They got in touch with my doctor and he told them to keep me for an hour and if I dilated to 4cm, then admit me.  During that next hour I tried so hard to send you vibes so you'd make that dilation happen.  Did I mention that I did not want to go home?

And you did it!  You made it happen and I dilated to 4cm and they admitted us.  And then?  We waited.  We hurt.  We breathed.

A few hours went by and everything became more intense and difficult.  I stopped being able to talk.  Riding out the pain from the contractions took all of my energy.  They had offered me an epidural earlier and I'd declined, but as the morning progressed my resolve to go all-natural and avoid interventions really weakened.  Contractions on their own were taking so much of my energy that I knew if I had to deal with that pain for who knows how many more hours and then still somehow have to push you out, I wasn't going to be able to do it.  I needed rest.  So I made the decision and at 8:50am they gave me the epidural.

What did I get from the epidural?  Four hours of rest without pain.  It was lovely.  Your dad and I were finally able to sleep a little bit.  And the magical part?  You were still working on getting out!  While we napped, stuff kept happening for your entry into the world.  Our water broke and the nurse told me you had pooped in your sack.  That was worrisome but I tried not to think about it.  Things kept progressing.

At around 1pm, the pressure feeling from the contractions started turning into pain again.  I just hung with it for a while, thinking it was normal that things should get more intense.  But it then got REALLY intense.  I couldn't take it anymore and told my nurse that I hurt.  She called the anesthesiologist and checked my dilation.  After the people in charge were consulted, they told me that I couldn't have any more epidural because it was so close to pushing time that if they gave me some and it took away too much feeling I wouldn't be able to push you out.  My nurse knew how badly I wanted to avoid a c-section so she said it was for the best.  So: ONWARD!

My memories of the hour before your birth are a little fuzzy, to be honest.  I was in pain and it all happened pretty fast.  At some point my nurse said I was fully dilated and it was time to push.  I pushed and pushed through contractions.  Pain and pressure and pushing.  I remember the nurse calling your dad over to peek at the top of your head coming out a little.  Pushing some more.

The doctor was there at the beginning of the pushing but he left to let me progress some more.  So me and the nurse and your dad worked on some pushes.  It hurt so much.  I remember saying, "Oh my god, oh my god, I can't do this!"  Sherrie, our nurse, kept encouraging me and guiding me through the pushing and telling me that things were really happening and you were almost out.

After some more epic pushing, I remember Sherrie saying you were crowning and calling for the doctor again.  Everybody told me not to push anymore--to wait until the doctor got back--but you had other plans.  I didn't push, but out you came anyway.

When they finally brought you to me, you were perfect.  I was so happy to meet you and look at every part of you.  Feeling your skin on mine filled me with joy.  Everything else didn't matter.

We are so happy to finally have you.

Clara Marie Rocha, born 3:30pm on August 17, 2010.  5 pounds, 15 ounces; 19 inches.