Wednesday, December 29, 2010

a bundle of joy, indeed
















Clara sucks on three fingers, no thumb.  She flips over onto her stomach on the changing table.  She grabs onto her toes while I try to change her diaper.  She stares at her hands for ages.  She pulls and bats at toys.  She laughs with us all the time.  She is the light of our lives.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

ROCK AND ROLL

You've been teetering on the edge of a roll-over for months, it feels like.  You'd get as far as your side and kind of get stuck there, not really knowing what to do with your arm that was in the way.

But last night: YOU ROLLED.  From your back to your belly.  Twice.  You did it again today.

These are exciting times!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

screaming, sitting

These days Clara is really into screaming and sitting.  She's a happy screamer.  She wakes me up just screaming happily.  Just awake and excited to make some noise.  It's pretty great except that sometimes her daddy can't tell the difference between happy screams and angry screams.  "What's wrong with her?"  She was just happy and noisy!

Sitting is her other passion.  She likes to be upright, looking at stuff.  I can understand this as I also enjoy to sit.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS.






















 This is a picture of two happy ladies.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

YAY!

You pulled on the owl's foot!  I heard the pull and then the jitter!  I'm so proud of you!

Next up: rolling over.

Come on, you know you want to.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

round one of the holidays

You've had your first Thanksgiving (delicious) and the Christmas tree is up and you love to look at those lights.  Today you reached up for the legs on your hanging jitterbug toy and grabbed it and would not let go.  I was hoping you would pull and realize that makes the toy vibrate, but I think that was a little too much to hope for on your first grab.  I was delighted that you just held onto his foot for so long.  You've been holding on to your lion with the rings and the rattle too, lifting him up sometimes.

You're so close to rolling over!  It's excruciating to see you on your side: so close yet so far.  You just hang out on your side for minutes at a time but you really don't seem to want to roll onto your stomach at all.  You're pretty good at rotating yourself 360 degrees on your play mat though.  I'm pretty impressed by your leg muscles!

Today your daddy was reading to you about table saws from a home improvement magazine and you loved it.  It's probably because you love anything he says or does for you.  I do too!  :D

Oh and just so you know: there are probably a million sandwich kisses in your future.  You're not allowed to ever stop liking them.

This was your first Thanksgiving dinner:























And here's you holding onto your toy for a long time:

Thursday, November 18, 2010

3 months

You turned 3 months old yesterday.  It really snuck up on me--so much so that I didn't realize the date until about 8pm.  I can't believe how fast you've grown.

I was hugging you yesterday and your dad remarked that you're almost half as tall as me.  (An exaggeration of course...but not by much.)

I can't believe how cool you are.  Yesterday you were in your swing for a while and when I walked up to you again after a few minutes, your face lit up completely.  You were so happy to see me and I was so happy that you were happy I shed a few tears.

Don't ever stop being awesome.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Clara enjoys staring at herself in the mirror and shrieking.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

you're growing too fast

I was reading an article in a baby magazine today about fetal movements.  They were talking about flips and kicks and all of this and I remembered when you were in my belly and moved around all the time and I started to cry.  I miss you being so close.  Of course, the smiles and the laughs are wonderful--but feeling your every movement inside of me was wonderful too.  Every day you get bigger and bigger and it just reminds me that someday you'll be so big you'll have to go out on your own and I almost don't want that to ever happen.

You're the sweetest, Clara-beara.  I love you a million.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Almost doing her Tim Gunn impersonation.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

leaving you is hard!

Your dad and I went out for the first time last night since you were born.  It was county fair time, you see.  We thought about you coming too but ultimately decided that loud rock music and a huge crowd of people would not be good for a 6 week old baby.  So we asked Grandma to watch you.

It was so hard to leave you.  I kept thinking of you the entire night and whether you were okay.  I saw babies and kids at the fairgrounds and just kept thinking that we should have brought you and maybe you would have enjoyed a blinking light toy.

Next year, okay?  Maybe then you'll be ready for loud music.  :)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Almost 6 weeks old!

It's been a while since I've updated, but life with a baby is a bit hectic--please forgive me.

This is what has been up!
- Clara gained almost three pounds in 5 weeks.  On Monday she weighed 8 pounds 11 ounces.  Un-freakin'-believable.
- When she was born, her pinky fingernail was the size of a sesame seed.  It's a lot bigger now!
- I have become much more closely acquainted with bodily fluids of all sorts.  This is not exactly pleasant, but I am glad the projectile vomiting only happened thrice so far.
- Our experiences with pee, however, seem to be much more frequent.
- When she smiles and holds her head up, I am the happiest mom.
- We finally seem to be getting into our groove around here.  Diaper change, eat, play, sleep.  Repeat.  Repeat.
- When Clara sleeps I cook and try to try to clean.
- Daddy helps with feedings all the time.  He's especially good at giving her tummy time on his chest.  It's the cutest thing in the world to see!
- Swaddling has saved us.  She sleeps so well in a swaddle!  We didn't have a proper swaddle blanket but my husband invented an awesome double swaddle with two smaller blankets that is working wonderfully!

On the post-partum side:
- My pre-pregnancy jeans are too big now.  You think I'd be happy about this but mostly I'm annoyed that I need to buy new pants.
- No more pains or bleeding!  I feel right as rain.
- I've got some hormones making me a little extra emotional right now, but I'm sure that will pass soon.

Things are good.  There are challenges, but we're getting through them okay.  Everything seems to be getting better.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Friday, August 27, 2010

dance

Today you had your first dance!  It was with your daddy to "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out".

Just thought you should know.

:)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

apologies

Dear Clara,

I'm sorry I drooled on your head.

But, as your dad said, "These things happen."

Love,
--Mom

Saturday, August 21, 2010

how you were born

On Monday I woke up feeling pretty good.  The week long-plus headache that had been plaguing me seemed to be getting better.  It was so nice to finally not be in pain anymore!  I did some last-minute shopping and cleaning and cooking.  The Braxton-Hicks contractions started getting stronger though...to the point where they were almost constant.  My belly felt rock hard.

At some point in the early evening the real contractions started.  They were pretty mild and not regular, so I didn't dare get my hopes up that you were actually getting ready to come into the world.  I just thought of them as nice practice.  But then!  At around 11pm, right when your dad and I were getting ready for bed, the contractions started being regular.  I stayed in bed for a while, timing.  6 minutes here, 5 minutes sometimes.  It seemed like the real deal to me and the doctor had told me to head to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart, but I wanted to be absolutely sure.  There was no way I was going to get all worked up just to be sent home from the hospital!  So I timed contractions, took a bath, timed some more, tried to lie down.  When they were 3 minutes apart I finally woke up your father and told him it was time.

We got to the hospital around 3am.  Checked in, but it was a full house that night: no empty rooms.  What did this mean?  Your dad and I sat in the waiting room at Labor & Delivery for about 2 hours, with me groaning and breathing hard in front of a bunch of strangers every 3 minutes.

At around 5am we finally got a room.  A nurse checked my dilation.  3cm.  They got in touch with my doctor and he told them to keep me for an hour and if I dilated to 4cm, then admit me.  During that next hour I tried so hard to send you vibes so you'd make that dilation happen.  Did I mention that I did not want to go home?

And you did it!  You made it happen and I dilated to 4cm and they admitted us.  And then?  We waited.  We hurt.  We breathed.

A few hours went by and everything became more intense and difficult.  I stopped being able to talk.  Riding out the pain from the contractions took all of my energy.  They had offered me an epidural earlier and I'd declined, but as the morning progressed my resolve to go all-natural and avoid interventions really weakened.  Contractions on their own were taking so much of my energy that I knew if I had to deal with that pain for who knows how many more hours and then still somehow have to push you out, I wasn't going to be able to do it.  I needed rest.  So I made the decision and at 8:50am they gave me the epidural.

What did I get from the epidural?  Four hours of rest without pain.  It was lovely.  Your dad and I were finally able to sleep a little bit.  And the magical part?  You were still working on getting out!  While we napped, stuff kept happening for your entry into the world.  Our water broke and the nurse told me you had pooped in your sack.  That was worrisome but I tried not to think about it.  Things kept progressing.

At around 1pm, the pressure feeling from the contractions started turning into pain again.  I just hung with it for a while, thinking it was normal that things should get more intense.  But it then got REALLY intense.  I couldn't take it anymore and told my nurse that I hurt.  She called the anesthesiologist and checked my dilation.  After the people in charge were consulted, they told me that I couldn't have any more epidural because it was so close to pushing time that if they gave me some and it took away too much feeling I wouldn't be able to push you out.  My nurse knew how badly I wanted to avoid a c-section so she said it was for the best.  So: ONWARD!

My memories of the hour before your birth are a little fuzzy, to be honest.  I was in pain and it all happened pretty fast.  At some point my nurse said I was fully dilated and it was time to push.  I pushed and pushed through contractions.  Pain and pressure and pushing.  I remember the nurse calling your dad over to peek at the top of your head coming out a little.  Pushing some more.

The doctor was there at the beginning of the pushing but he left to let me progress some more.  So me and the nurse and your dad worked on some pushes.  It hurt so much.  I remember saying, "Oh my god, oh my god, I can't do this!"  Sherrie, our nurse, kept encouraging me and guiding me through the pushing and telling me that things were really happening and you were almost out.

After some more epic pushing, I remember Sherrie saying you were crowning and calling for the doctor again.  Everybody told me not to push anymore--to wait until the doctor got back--but you had other plans.  I didn't push, but out you came anyway.

When they finally brought you to me, you were perfect.  I was so happy to meet you and look at every part of you.  Feeling your skin on mine filled me with joy.  Everything else didn't matter.

We are so happy to finally have you.


Clara Marie Rocha, born 3:30pm on August 17, 2010.  5 pounds, 15 ounces; 19 inches.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

You and your daddy on your first night home :)

Friday, August 13, 2010

waitin'...

Okay, I know I'm not "due" yet...but really, those super intense contractions I got a few days ago at 6 minutes apart really had me going for a while.  I was two seconds away from waking up your dad and heading to the hospital.

So now I'm just anxious and waiting and still dealing with this week-long headache and I want to meet you so badly!

But I'm trying to relax.  It's kinda fun to think that you decide your own birth day.  And I guess you haven't felt the perfect time yet.  Okay!

But you know...we're ready whenever you are!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Here you are hangin' out with your mom.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

being 9 months pregnant is hard

It's not all roses!
  • I get up to use the restroom at least 6 times each night.  Sometimes I almost nod off on the toilet.
  • Bending over is the most difficult thing.  I'm not sure it's worth it anymore.
  • So. Tired.  All. The. Time.
  • Breathing is hard sometimes.  I can't even lie on my back anymore if I want to keep enjoying my oxygen.
  • Can't stand for very long now.  My thigh starts going numb.
  • I can't bear this heat!  Had to go pantsless tonight.
But I guess it's not as bad as it could be!  And as long as the little lady is doing well I am fine with housing her inside me for a few weeks longer.  :)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

So much done today!

I got up early and heading shopping.  We just needed a few more essentials to be ready in case you come any day now.  So I trekked out to a bunch of stores and compared and bought things!  It wasn't much, but I'm telling ya: having baby powder in the house makes me feel so much better.

I've got what I need to diaper you and clean you and clothe you and feed you and help you sleep.  Tomorrow we're picking up your pack n' play with the bassinet and we will be SET.

ALSO

We saw the lovely doctor.  He checked out your heartbeat and you sound like a champ.  Everything looks great and he even thinks you are head-down!  I was SO happy to hear that!  I want to bring you into the world as naturally as possible and I'm so glad you're cooperating!

THEN

Your dad and I went on a date to the dollar theater.  You kicked your way right through The A-Team.

:D

Saturday, July 24, 2010

shower and getting ready for you

Dear Little Lady,

Last weekend a bunch of people got together to celebrate your upcoming entry into the world.  It was a great time.  Friends and family brought you gifts and talked about how excited they were to meet you in a few weeks.  You're gonna have some freakin' adorable outfits to lounge around in.

This was your cake:















Some of your presents:















Your mom and some of her friends:















And your happy parents:
















Your parents, incidentally, are currently very busy getting everything ready for your arrival.  It's a lot of work!  We have a dresser to paint and things to hang and boxes to move and clothes to organize!  Things to scrub and stuff to buy!

So you can stay inside me for a while longer, okay?  Get chubby and healthy and when you come out there will be snuggles.

<3
--Your Mom

Monday, July 12, 2010

hiccups

Hey Little Lady,

The first time I heard that babies got hiccups in the womb I was astounded.  I could not wait to feel you have some!

You sure took your time though.  Seems like every other pregnant lady I know was feeling them months ago.  I started wondering how I would even differentiate your hiccups from other movements...thought maybe I was just dense and I'd never know...

But you totally came through for me!  I'll never forget that moment a couple of days ago when I felt a little bump inside...and then a few seconds later another bump in the exact same spot...and then again.  OF COURSE that's what hiccups would feel like.  Of course!

It was especially cool when your dad got to feel them the next day too.

We're waiting for you excitedly!

Love,
The Lady You Live Inside

Thursday, June 24, 2010

hey hey

Dear Little Lady,

You move around like a nut!  Seriously.  Are you a nut?  I think you might be a nut.

It's kind of cool that you let me know you're alright in there but sometimes I must admit...it feels weird.  I can't say I ever really wanted to know how a massage of my innards felt.

Enjoy it now, though, because I hear in the next few weeks space is going to come at a premium what with your getting chubby and all.

But don't worry!  You'll be out and free in two months!

Love,
--The Lady Growing You

Saturday, June 19, 2010

ch-ch-ch-changes!

I'll spare you the details of the weird gross stuff happening to my body and just show you one of the slightly weird, interesting things:















My usual Summer freckles multiplied!  I've never had so many freckles before.  WEIRD.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

status of the pregnant lady

This is what it's like to be me these days:
  • I get headaches a lot.  They suck.  I don't like taking pills for them so I am just kinda cranky very often.
  • It's hard to get out of bed.  I have to roll out.  It's a pain.  Especially since...
  • I'm constantly peeing.  Three times plus every night.
  • And this little girl moves around a lot.  So sometimes I think everything's cool and then she kicks and OHMYGOD I have to go to the restroom.
  • It's getting hot and I'm pretty uncomfortable already.  Oh dear this does not bode well.  Curse you, Bakersfield!
  • I'm still surprised that no strangers have commented on my belly.  Not even my regular cashiers at the grocery store.  Maybe people don't do that anymore?
  • My belly muscles are sore.  Movement requires lots of forethought.
  • I get so tired so easily.  I don't even know what I possibly did yesterday but I woke up today with a sore left thigh.
  • HEARTBURN.
...

But there's a baby at the end of this!  And I can already feel she's gonna be awesome!  :D

Sunday, May 30, 2010

your parents at 29 weeks

Right before this picture was taken, your father jiggled you pretty good.  :D

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

we saw you!

Dear Little Lady,

Your dad and I got to see you today.  We saw your heart beat.  We saw your spine.  Your little feet and your arms and hands.  Your cute nose and adorable head.

We even saw your ladybits!

We can't wait to meet you.  We're already in love.





Thursday, May 20, 2010

tummy watchin'

This little lady is pretty darn active.  I like to imagine that she's having fun in there.  It seems she takes after her mother and really enjoys mealtimes!

I have fun watching my belly.  Sometimes when she's going nuts in there I just pull up my shirt and stare.  I can't even explain how bizarre it is for a living thing inside of you to move so significantly that you can see it on the outside.  I try to visualize what parts of her are making my belly move and I smile.  Maybe she's stretching?  Trying to find a more comfortable position?

So, remember all those times I was cranky about my menstrual cycle and I complained that the ability to bear children better be worth it?

Yeah, it totally is.  :)

it's a little lady!

The doctor confidently told us on Tuesday that we're having a little girl.

We would have been happy with either gender but just knowing feels so great!  I'm doing fantasy shopping online and we're working fervently on choosing a name for this little one.  I feel more comfortable imagining the future now.  It's all so very exciting!

(Plus I can stop saying "it"!  YAAAAY!!!)

Friday, May 14, 2010

'sup?

One of my new pastimes: staring at my belly.  Sometimes I can see a movement and it's pretty bizarre/cool.  Mostly cool.  I like thinking that the baby is having fun in there.

I've purchased a few more items.  A hanging stars/moon decoration for the nursery.  An jittering owl toy.  Blanket.

Mostly I'm just anxious about finally finding out the kid's gender.  I want to get the name settled already and just prepare mentally.  Will I be changing boy diapers or girl diapers?  I MUST KNOW.

I have an OB appointment on Tuesday that I'm pretty excited about.  I'll be discussing the whole delivery thing for the first time ever with my doctor!  I have a million questions for him.  And, of course, he'd better tell me if this is a girl or boy!

Everything seems to be going well.  That makes me happy.  :)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Worst Ultrasound

The fiasco that has been my health care situation so far should have prepared me for this.  But I was hopeful.  I don't know why exactly, but I thought that Kern County couldn't possibly ruin my ultrasound day.  I thought it was the one thing I could count on getting from them that was going to be good.  I underestimated their capacity for treating people like garbage.  How silly of me!

This is how my ultrasound experience went down:
1) The technician didn't say a word the entire time.
2) I could not see the monitor.
3) He finished abruptly.  I asked him if it was a boy or a girl and he said he couldn't tell.  I asked if it was measuring correctly and he just said yeah.
4) Then he told me to clean up and he walked out.

Just like that, it was over.

I managed to convince myself at some point during this thing that they would at the very least give me some pictures to take home since I couldn't see the monitor.  No.  That was stupid.  I didn't get anything.

I had been so excited about this appointment.  I thought I was going to find out the gender and get a little picture and be able to imagine what my baby looks like.

But I didn't even get to see my baby.  They took that moment away from me.

If you're ever looking for some advice on how to make a pregnant woman feel completely worthless, please call the OB-GYN clinic at Kern Medical Center.  They're pros!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

that was nice

I met you in a dream last night.  You looked just like your cousin Andrew, but you had ridiculously thick black hair.  You were adorable.

I can't wait to really meet you.

Though I think you might have some explaining to do if you're a girl.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

apology

Dear Baby,

Yesterday your dad and I called you "the kid".  I feel badly about it; it sounds so cold and distant.  But I promise we don't actually feel that way toward you.

It's just that when we talk about you and the future...well, we don't know what to call you.  We don't know if you're a boy or a girl yet, so we can't whip out either of the wicked cool names we've got picked out already.

We're really very excited to see you soon.  It'll be nice when I know what to call you.

Love,
Mom

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

movement!

I'm pretty sure I've been feeling the baby the past few days.  It likes doing somersaults after dinner.  Feels like it's just bouncing off the walls in there.

Very cool.  :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

"i feel fat"

I thought I was prepared for this.  I know pregnant does not equal fat.  I know this.

But then it happened.  I popped last weekend.  It's not very noticeable to anybody, but I just feel thicker.  My pants are a little tighter.  The scale has bounced up a little.  My pre-existing chubby belly is roundening into what I'm assuming will soon actually look like a pregnant belly.

The word "sausage" comes to mind.

A couple of years ago I would have punched myself in the face if I'd called myself fat at 170 pounds.  But you must understand, having weight loss surgery and then gaining weight is so very difficult, even when there is a perfectly good reason for the weight gain.

I'm doing my best to talk myself down, but it's taking some work.

I hope I stop being silly soon.  I don't care for this level of neuroticism in myself.  I have bigger worries--like when I am going to be able to see an obstetrician.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

hi, baby

These are your parents when you were 18 weeks in the making:

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

i just have to say it

I am fairly confident that I'm having a boy.  I'll eat my hat if it turns out otherwise.

:P

Monday, March 1, 2010

i have a healthy baby in my uterus!

I was nervous on that table with the clear goo on my belly.  But the doctor put the Doppler on me and almost instantly found the little one's heartbeat.  Nice and strong and normal.

Everything's okay and I am very glad.

being pregnant without health insurance is terrifying

When I lost my health insurance late January, I tried not to worry too much.  I thought everything was going to be fine.  At least because I am pregnant.  If not for me, for my baby.  We take care of our pregnant ladies, right?

Turns out getting medical attention is more difficult than I thought.

I went to the local community clinic and asked about applying for Medi-Cal in early February.  I filled out some paperwork and was told I'd get notification in the mail within 7-10 days of my appointment with a Medi-Cal worker.  So I waited.  Nothing came in the mail.

I had a scare a week ago: spotting and cramping.  (Hey I'm a first-timer give me a break for being paranoid.)  Everything I read says, "Contact your practitioner!"  But I have no practitioner.  Nobody will touch you when you're uninsured.  So what was I supposed to do?  I went back to the community clinic and they didn't even bother with me, saying I'd have to go to the E.R. since they don't even have an ultrasound machine in-house.

But E.R. visits are nothing to sneeze at, financially.  So my sister recommended an urgent care that only charges $120 for a visit.

I was seen by a doctor.  He examined my cervix and said everything looked okay: it was closed.  Good news!  But then when they took out the Doppler, he couldn't really find the baby's heartbeat.  He looked high and low for a LONG time.  I was on my back, my belly covered in clear goo, and worried.

After all the looking, the doctor told me I needed to be seen by an obstetrician soon to make sure everything was okay.  He said I should have an ultrasound just to be sure.

Well, easier said than done.

On Monday I had to figure out my Medi-Cal situation.  I called the clinic where I had begun my application and they informed me that it had never been processed.  It had just been sitting there for two weeks.  I was not getting an appointment confirmation in the mail.

So I decided to go to the county Human Services building and apply there.  I figured they would probably be able to tell me how to get medical care while I waited for my Medi-Cal application was approved.  After all, I'd heard that benefits were 3 months retro-active and that there was "emergency" Medi-Cal I might be able to use.

Three hours at the Human Services resulted in: 1) An application for Medi-Cal.  That I would send in the mail. 2) Being told there is no emergency Medi-Cal.  Well, there is, but that's just for abortions or something.  3) There's something called Presumptive Eligibility that I might be able to see a doctor with.

Next step: Try to find a doctor that'll take me under Presumptive Eligibility for Medi-Cal.

But when I started research on Presumptive Eligibility, it was kind of like a snake eating its own tail.  The Medi-Cal website told me to ask my doctor if they'd accept P.E.  I called.  They didn't.  The website had a P.E. hotline number.  I called.  It was just recordings and directed me back to the website.  Okay.  The website then said my county's health department or perinatal health coordinator could give me a list of P.E. providers.  The county health department's website did not have any information.  Through some Google magic, I found the Kern County perinatal health coordinator's phone number and called her.  What did she tell me?  I could go to the community clinic.  Remember that place that didn't process my application and turned me away when I asked to see a doctor?  The same.

So we went back there.  This time thinking I just need to walk in there and tell them I'm pregnant and I need to see a doctor.  We were sent to somebody's office; I explained to her my entire situation, including the urgent care visit and my need to see an obstetrician soon.  She told me the earliest appointment they had was for mid-March.  And that wasn't even to see a doctor; that was a medical history appointment.  Plus, she explained, "We're not even sure you're still pregnant.  They should have been able to find the heartbeat."

After so much frustration to try to get seen by a doctor, this pushed me right over the edge.  It's really easy to get a pregnant lady to cry in your office if you tell her she might have already lost her baby and just not know it.

While I'm still pretty upset that this lady even said that to me, I'm also fairly confident that the tears that ensued are the ONLY reason she went into another office and came out giving me an appointment for the following Monday with an actual doctor.  A "specialist" they said.  I'm not sure what that means but I hope it's an obstetrician.

My appointment is tomorrow.  I have no idea what to expect; this clinic does not really inspire confidence.  I'm just hoping that they'll find the heartbeat and tell me everything is fine and help me set regular prenatal appointments for the future.  Or that my Medi-Cal is approved soon and I can go to a doctor on my own.

I hesitated to write about all this because I don't want to whine.  But I decided I do want to record how difficult this has been.  I feel completely powerless and at the government's mercy.  I feel like a beggar.  I feel lost.  I don't feel like they are going to take care of me.  I feel like I'm going to have to fight them to force them to give me some mediocre help.

It sucks.

If you try to deny the need for health care reform I might just rip you a new one.

Monday, February 8, 2010

"How's the baby?"

I don't know.

I really need to go to the doctor soon.

I feel like there's a big question mark in my uterus.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

am i really pregnant?

I know it sounds dumb.  I mean, I've seen the baby!  I've seen it's little heart beating!  I know it's in there...

But since my nausea is pretty much gone now and I'm still not showing...I don't know--it doesn't seem real anymore.  (My peeing has even calmed down!)  I feel the same way I did before I found out I was pregnant.  I could have imagined the whole thing.

I could use another ultrasound.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

i don't like food anymore

Well, at least not as much as I used to.

Lots of things that I used to love just kind of leave me feeling "meh" these days.  Some things even gross me out completely now.

I don't know what's going on but I would like it to go away now.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Weight Changes

It's only been about a month since I found out I was pregnant.  My weight has been a little nutty.

In the first few weeks I was ravenously hungry and ate everything.  I gained three or four pounds.

Then the morning/all-day sickness came.  I wanted nothing to do with food.  I lost two pounds.

I've still got some nausea/gagging issues but I'm not really getting sick anymore.  It's hard to eat things, though, mostly because very little appeals to me.  I've lost two more pounds.

This brings me to -2 baby pounds.  I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant and still losing weight.

Part of me wants to freak out about this but I'm just going to try to trust that my little parasite is taking what it needs from me.

The proof!

December 18, 2009

This is the day I found out I was pregnant.

I cried for a while at the shock.

Then I started thinking about the wonderfulness of it all.

My husband and I hugged for a long time.